To Lose A Brother
by Cissaflake
Summary: Regulus knew what it was like to have a brother, to love a brother, to lose a brother, to betray a brother. But maybe, if Regulus chose death to make this world better for everyone, maybe, his brother would forgive him.


**A/N: Okay so here's my round 8 piece for The Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition in which i am seeker for the Wimbourne Wasps**

**Seeker:** Write about Regulus Black

**Sara, thank you for the ideas, i could never have written this without them**

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To Lose a Brother

.

What is it like to lose a brother?

There's pain in watching him slip away,

There's the memory of everything you've shared,

There's a bond so strong, broken,

There's a thousand emotions that have to be kept hidden,

There's hurt in realising that the person you would have followed to death is not like you thought,

There's a constant wondering why,

There's struggle in making the decision to betray him.

.

Regulus Black knew what it was like to lose a brother.

.

_'Sirius! Sirius!' Regulus shouted, as he rushed to the door to greet his older brother. He hadn't been allowed to come to the train station, so Regulus had patiently waited for Sirius and their mother to return, sitting by the window, waiting, watching._

_'Hey Reggie,' Sirius said, smiling at his little brother._

_'How was Hogwarts?' This had been the question Regulus had been dying to have answered, Sirius did write of course, but now Regulus could make sure that Sirius told him absolutely everything._

_'How did I know you were going to ask that? You've been brain damaging me about it all year!'_

_Regulus grinned sheepishly._

.

Regulus knew the pain of watching him slip away.

.

_'Sirius!' Exactly like the year before, Regulus had waited, and watched out of the window for Sirius and Walburga to return._

_'Hi Reggie,' Sirius replied,_

_'How was Hogwarts?'_

_Sirius rolled his eyes, 'I told you about that last year!'_

_'But you're a second year now! There's bound to be things that are different! Please?' Regulus pouted slightly, Sirius could never resist that._

_He sighed, 'Fine, but there are a few things I have to do first, alright?'_

.

Regulus had the memories of everything they'd shared.

.

_'We're running out of time! Come on!' Sirius shouted down the corridor to Regulus, he dashed into his bedroom and closed the door as Regulus came rushing in after him._

_'Promise me we'll never do that again,' Regulus panted, as they locked Sirius' bedroom door. _

_'You know you enjoyed it,' Sirius smirked,_

_'I did not!' Regulus said indignantly, he had enjoyed it really, but he would never tell Sirius that. 'And anyway, we'll be in terrible trouble if Mother or Father find out,'_

_'And how would they find out? We left no evidence at all.'_

_'We might have done and not realised,' Regulus replied anxiously,_

_'You are talking to Messr Padfoot, Marauder, the kings of the pranking and trouble making.' Sirius said proudly,_

_Regulus sighed in defeat, 'alright then, but if we get caught, the blames on you.'_

_'If I remember rightly, you did half of it too young man!' Sirius grinned,_

_Regulus just rolled his eyes, and tried to cover up his smile_.

.

Regulus and Sirius had had a bond so strong, now broken.

.

_'What on earth are you doing?' Regulus asked, he was standing at Sirius' door watching him try to 'decorate' his room._

_'I'm decorating.'_

_'Why?'_

_'Because,' he said, dripping scarlet paint on the floor, 'I'm sick of the way my room looked, so I'm re-doing it.' Sirius nearly fell off of his miniature ladder that he had been standing on, to try and paint the ceiling gold._

_'Are you alright?'_

_'Yep, I could use some help you know?' Sirius asked hopefully,_

_'Okay, but no one can find out.'_

_'Deal.'_

_For the next hour, Sirius and Regulus painted the ceiling of Sirius' room gold and the walls scarlet, they then plastered the walls with posters of motorcycles and Muggle girls in bikinis, Sirius took out a few scarlet and gold Gryffindor banners and hung them around the walls, where there was any space._

_'Finished!' He announced happily, 'Oh, one more thing,' he did a quick spell,_

_'What was that?' Regulus asked, admiring their hard work, secretly envying his brothers nerve. _

_'Permanent sticking charm.' _

_Regulus' eyes widened, 'Mother will be furious,'_

_'Oh well. Anyway, I'm going to see how long it'll take her to find out,'_

_'She'll find out straight away though, wont she?'_

_'Well, I won't tell her, and you won't tell her... Will you?'_

_'No,'_

_'Thanks Reggie,'_

_'What are friends for?' he sighed,_

.

Regulus had a thousand emotions that had to be kept hidden.

.

_'If I was more like Sirius, things would be a lot easier' Regulus would think, 'If I was in Gryffindor, wait no, scrap that.'_

_'... But everything would be so much easier if I was, I wouldn't have to become a Death Eater as soon as I become of age, everything could be as I want it to.'_

_Regulus loved Sirius, yes, but he was envious of him, he wanted what Sirius had, great friends that would be there for him no matter what, courage, nerve, the freedom to choose his future. The only thing that Regulus had that Sirius didn't was that their parents were proud of Regulus, but what did that achieve?_

_So even if Regulus couldn't be in Gryffindor, he tried his best to uncover his courage, and his nerve, and tried to start acting on it._

.

Regulus knew the hurt, the hurt in realising that Sirius, whom he would have followed to death, was not like he thought, who had abandoned him, and left.

.

_'Reggie,_

_I'm sorry I'm leaving you here, really I am. But I can't stay here anymore, there's going to be a war Reggie, and I need to be there, fighting for what I believe in. And I can't do that here, I'm sorry. _

_I know that Mother and Father will try to make you become a Death Eater, but please, please Reggie, I know I can't force you to do anything, but let me tell you this._

_Once you're in, there's no way out. It's service for life, or death._

_I have to go now, before the sun rises, but I love you, you're my little brother, and I wish I could take care of you like I'm meant to, like I want to, but I can't._

_I know I'm being selfish, but I can't stay here._

_I'm sorry,_

_Sirius' _

_Regulus read this letter, and re-read it twice more before it fully sunk in. His brother was gone. He ran down the hall, ignoring the yell from his mother to stop running, and he threw Sirius' bedroom door open. Nothing. Sirius was gone. His room was still normal, and most things remained, but Sirius did not._

_Regulus didn't cry, not like most would have done when they discovered that their big brother, was gone, and would not likely see him ever again, or in battle. No, he was beyond crying, he was hurt. It was like he had been sliced with a knife, no tears fell but the pain was still there, more so, even._

_._

Regulus constantly wondered why.

.

_He knew why Sirius had left, really he did, but that didn't stop him from asking himself why. Was he not a good enough brother to Sirius? Maybe, if he had have been a better brother, Sirius would have stayed with him._

_Maybe, if Sirius had stayed to protect Regulus, then Regulus wouldn't be in this mess, maybe he wouldn't have to die to make the world a better place._

_But Sirius had left, and Regulus never knew what would have happened if he had have stayed, only the 'what ifs' and 'whys' and 'maybes' that he so desperately wanted to stop contemplating but couldn't. He couldn't stop wondering what could have happened, what would have happened. And why it didn't._

.

Regulus had gone through the struggle of making the decision to betray him.

.

_Regulus had spent days sitting on the roof of Grimmauled Place since he had turned seventeen, he wished he could flee, like Sirius had done, but Regulus wasn't Sirius._

_Sirius had fled from his problems, ran away from them, hoping that they would disappear._

_Regulus stayed to face his problems, confronted them, and embraced them._

_He looked down at the Dark Mark on his arm, he was a Death Eater now. Regulus would be a good Death Eater, and make everyone proud. Unlike Sirius, who had disappointed everyone. Regulus would be envious of his brother no longer, they were different, and this was the path that Regulus had chosen._

.

But Sirius and Regulus aren't so different from each other after all.

.

Regulus knew what it was like to have a brother, to love a brother, to lose a brother, to betray a brother.

But maybe, if Regulus chose death to make this world better for everyone, maybe, his brother would forgive him.

_._

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**A/N: Sooo...**

**Leave what you think in a review? It'll take less than a minuet of your time to make my day **

**-Livvy xxx**

Lissa

Seeker

Wimbourne Wasps


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